Environmentalism in 1739 post on Environmental Graffiti

This post is for teaching purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the owner of this blog. 

The following was posted on Environmental Graffiti on February 26, 2008.  My notes are in blue.  The grade is at the bottom of the post.

 The environmental movement today, much like many other socio-political movements, is focused mainly on the present and future. With that focus, it’s easy to lose sight of how environmentalism, and the environment, came to be where it is now.

This series attempts to give a little more perspective for we environmentalists, who can sometimes regard the world before the industrial revolution as an idyllic place with none of the problems we face in the present day. While it’s true that many historical societies didn’t face some of the potential global warming effects modern people do, there were still plenty of environmental issues that even the most ancient societies faced. The opening sentence is awkward. You don’t “give for” something unless you’re making a donation. Should be either “provide for” or “give to.”

We’ve so far travelled back to a royal anti-coal proclamation in 1306, the reign of an Indian emperor in 250 B.C.E., the Roman Empire, and the 18th century slaughter of a tribe of environmentalists for defending trees. Today we’re going to make our first visit to the New World and get more acquainted with the environmental work of one of its most famous personalities.

Benjamin Franklin was, without a doubt, one of the greatest Americans to ever live. Born in 1706, he was a true Renaissance man, dabbling in politics, writing, diplomacy, and of course science. This was the time of the Enlightenment, where learning was all the rage and new knowledge seemed to be cropping up all over. Franklin distinguished himself with his work on electricity and with his amazing inventions, including bifocals and the lighting rod, as well as forming the first public library in America. Some punctuation errors.

Obviously, this was a man who took a keen interest in the world around him. It would be foolish to assume someone so observant and scientifically minded would completely ignore any environmental problems that might be present in his homeland. While perhaps not as widely publicized as his inventions or electric exploits, Franklin was one of America’s first and most famous environmentalists.

Even in the 1700s environmentalism was partially a political movement, at least in Franklin’s case. At the heart of many of his environmental work was the concept of “public rights” trumping “private rights”. Let’s look at one example of this to more easily understand the concept in its environmental context. typo = should read “many of his environmental works”

In 1739, Franklin led a group of his neighbors to petition the Pennsylvania Assembly. The group asked the assembly to use its powers to remove tanneries (leather making factories) and stop waste dumping in Philadelphia’s central commercial districts. Franklin argued that the leather industry and waste dumping were resulting in lowered property values in the area, as well as causing poor smells, disease, and interfering with firefighters. The industries fired back, claiming that their private rights as businesspeople were being attacked, to which Franklin countered that the “public rights” of the people of Philadelphia were being impeded by the environmental problems.

Franklin and his group won their petition, although the dumping did not stop in the face of lax enforcement. Nevertheless, his successful arguments established a useful precedent for the coming centuries. Without is defense of the public right to health and happiness superseding the private right to wealth, who knows what sort of environmental problems companies might cause in the name of “private rights”. This concept of public rights is one of the ideas the fledgling nation of America embraced after the Revolution a few short decades later. Although nobody is suggesting it came exclusively from Franklin’s Philadelphia environmental arguments, his ideas on the matter at least contributed towards the beliefs that still influence America today.

This wasn’t the only instance of Franklin attempting to better the environment in his home of Pennsylvania. He spent the 1760s leading a Philadelphia commission to help regulate waste collection in the city and water pollution levels. The committee undoubtedly helped keep Philadelphia cleaner, although there were still plenty of problems with water. His will helped establish the Philadelphia Water Commission and set up the construction of a pipeline for fresh water into the city as his final environmental bow.

That’s not to say he was merely a Philadelphia environmentalist. On the contrary, he was interested in the environmental health of other countries as well. In the 1780s, Franklin made what we might consider a very environmentally unfriendly recommendation, but at the time was very green. As we mentioned in a previous article, England’s widespread deforestation resulted in a switch to coal becoming the fuel of choice for most of the country. Franklin believed that this had saved what remained of the English forests from the fires of the nation. Seeing this, he urged France and Germany to also take up coal as a heating fuel in order to conserve their forests. While we see coal burning as the problem today, back then it was actually an environmental move.

This was our first discussion of historical environmentalism in the New World, but there’s more to come. Join us next week for the newest installment in our series on the environment throughout history.

GRADE: A, a few small errors but otherwise very well written.

Ohmynews International report on Taxi to the Dark Side

This post is for teaching purposes only and does not necessarily reflect my personal opinions.  My notes are in blue.  The grade and re-written article appear at the bottom of the post.

The following film review appeared on Ohmynews International on February 25, 2008:

This report is too long for a film review. It should have been edited more.  In addition, there are far too many instances of adding opinion.  The job of a reporter is to report the news in raw form and allow the reader to form their own opinions.

Film Advances the Debate on Torture:
‘Taxi to the Dark Side’ depicts the cruel realities of the ‘war on terror’

“Taxi to the Dark Side” is a chilling documentary that shows the ugly truth behind President Bush’s statement that “one by one the terrorists are learning the meaning of American justice.”

The film begins by describing the hardscrabble life of a young Afghani named Dilawar. Hailing from a family of peanut farmers, Dilawar began driving a taxi as a way to earn extra income. Unfortunately for him, the US military believe a warlord who claims that three of Dilawar’s passengers were responsible for rocketing US troops (later it turned out that the warlord himself was the guilty party).  This paragraph is awkward and is not well connected to the next.

Picked up along with his customers, Dilawar is taken to Bagram Detention Center on Dec. 5, 2002. There he is beaten to death by US soldiers. Chained to the roof of his cell, his legs were pummeled so severely that they would have had to be amputated if he had lived.  Did someone in the film say this or is the reporter adding his own commentary?  Grammar = Roof is on the outside, ceiling is on the inside.

Filmmaker Alex Gibney (who also made the excellent Enron expose “The Smartest Guys in the Room”) managed to interview a number of the personnel responsible for interrogating Dilawar and shows that the tragic ending to the Afghani’s case was a consequence of the culture of severe retribution pushed by Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.  Again this needs clarification as to whether this commentary is in the film or is the opinion of the writer.

Gen. Richard Myers is shown saying, “It was only the night shift. There’s always a few bad apples.” But Damien Corsetti, a soldier who specialized in intimidation, says otherwise.

In the film, Corsetti states, “The brass knew. They saw them shackled and hooded, and they said, ‘Right on! Y’all are doing a great job.’”

(Another interrogator at Bagram later recalled, “People were aware of what we were doing because we were open … with lots of higher-ups and officials coming through. But the common response we got was, ‘Aren’t you kind of babying them?’”)  This lacks context. Babying who? The prisoners or the torturers? And since this paragraph is in parenthesis, are we, as readers, supposed to infer that this is something the reporter added on his own or was this part of the film?

Another soldier states in the film that he was told to “do anything you can to get the information … We were also told ‘they’re nothing but dogs.’”

Meanwhile, back in the US Cheney told a gung-ho Tim Russert: “We have to work the dark side, if you will. We’re going to spend time in the shadows.” Consequently, the Bush administration’s legal lackey John Yoo dutifully drafted language that gave Bush “executive privilege” that overrode those pesky Geneva Conventions.

As retired US Navy Rear Adm. John Hutson tells Gibney: “What starts at the top of the chain of command drops like a rock down the chain of command.”

The film moves from Afghanistan to Iraq (after Dilawar’s death, Capt. Carolyn Wood, who oversaw interrogations at Bagram, was transferred to do the same at Abu Ghraib), and paints a grim picture of incarceration at Guantanamo Bay.

Alfred McCoy, author of the authoritative history “A Question of Torture: CIA Interrogation, From the Cold War to the War on Terror,” explains that the infamous orange suits, complete with gloves and hoods, worn by prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are in line with long-standing CIA use of sensory deprivation techniques to break prisoners.

McCoy argues that the normalization of torture in mass entertainment like the Fox TV show “24″ has helped pave the way for widespread acceptance of the practice.

In another on-camera interview, a lawyer for the Guantanamo detainees points out that in hundreds of years there has never been a documented case where the “ticking time bomb” justification for torture, replayed on virtually every episode of “24,” saved even one life.

Further, an FBI agent who prior to the 9/11 attacks had collected valuable information on al-Qaida without resorting to torture argues that anyone who was part of a terror operation that involved a bombing would probably be ready to die and take any secret information with him or her rather than give it to a torturer.

“Taxi to the Dark Side” is now playing in theatres across the United States.

The following seems added on in a strange, last minute way.
It was disturbing news indeed when, after purchasing broadcast rights for this excellent film, The Discovery Channel decided it would be too “controversial” for their television network. Thus it is a welcome turn of events that HBO purchased the rights from Discovery and will broadcast it in September.

Anyone voting in the coming US presidential election certainly needs to see this movie before doing so.

Grade : C  for length, flow problem, contextual errors, tense errors, grammar and injected opinion

Re-written Article:

Film Advances the Debate on Torture:
‘Taxi to the Dark Side’ depicts the cruel realities of the ‘war on terror’

Taxi to the Dark Side is a chilling documentary that shows the ugly truth behind President Bush’s statement, “One by one the terrorists are learning the meaning of American justice.” The film begins by describing the hardscrabble life of a young Afghani named Dilawar. Hailing from a family of peanut farmers, Dilawar begins driving a taxi as a way to earn extra income.Unfortunately, the US military is led believe that three of Dilawar’s passengers are responsible for rocketing US troops. Dilawar is arrested, along with his customers, and taken to Bagram Detention Center on Dec. 5, 2002.  Chained to the ceiling of his cell, he is beaten to death by US soldiers shortly thereafter.  

Filmmaker Alex Gibney (responsible for the popular Enron expose The Smartest Guys in the Room) interviewed a number of those personnel responsible for interrogating Dilawar prior to making the film.  These interviews shed some light on the consequences of the severe retribution advocated by Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

 Gen. Richard Myers is shown saying, “It was only the night shift. There’s always a few bad apples.” But Damien Corsetti, a soldier who specialized in intimidation, says otherwise.  In the film, Corsetti states, “The brass knew. They saw them shackled and hooded, and they said, ‘Right on! Y’all are doing a great job.’”

In a Tim Russert interview of the time, Dick Cheney stated: “We have to work the dark side, if you will. We’re going to spend time in the shadows.” To that end, Bush administration lawyer John Yoo drafted language giving Bush “executive privilege” to override the Geneva Conventions.

The film moves swiftly from Afghanistan to Iraq, painting an equally grim picture of incarceration at Guantanamo Bay.

Alfred McCoy, author of the authoritative history “A Question of Torture: CIA Interrogation, From the Cold War to the War on Terror,” explains that the infamous orange suits, complete with gloves and hoods, worn by prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are in line with long-standing CIA use of sensory deprivation techniques to break prisoners.

McCoy argues that the normalization of torture in mass entertainment like the Fox TV show 24 has helped pave the way for widespread acceptance of the practice.   However, one lawyer for Guantanamo detainees points out that in hundreds of years there has never been a documented case where the “ticking time bomb” justification for torture, replayed on virtually every episode of 24, saved even one life.

It was this controversy that nearly killed the film project in its early stages.   After purchasing broadcast rights for Taxi to the Dark Side, The Discovery Channel announced that it would be too “controversial” for their television network after all. However, HBO saw merit in showing the film and purchased the rights from Discovery.

Taxi to the Dark Side is now playing in theatres across the United States and will be aired on HBO in September, 2008.

Sadbastards report on McCain affair

Note: This post is for teaching purposes only and does not, in any way, reflect the opinions of the owner of Citizen Journalism 101.
The following was reported on http://www.sadbastards.wordpress.com/ on February 20, 2008
I don’t correct on bias, just writing.  My notes are in blue.  The grade and re-written article are at the bottom of the post.

The Article:

The New York Times Tries to Save Face After Supporting and Covering Up for the Hillary Clinton Machine. Vicki Iseman is John McCain’s Lover.  

The two sentence headline makes it sound like there are two posts since they don’t connect logically

In a effort to retain their crown as the liberal beacon, the old gray lady, The New York Times, found that not only its circulation, advertising, stock price and now editorial authority is irrelevant.   Besides the bad grammar, this sentence makes no sense.  The sentence starts with in an effort to, which implies that the reader will be told what NYT did.  They aren’t.  In addition, the crown metaphor is not matched with the beacon metaphor. 

The rest of the story doesn’t flow from the original idea; that is, to show that the NYT has been participating in a liberal cover-up while favoring Hilary Clinton. The writer went off on a tirade that failed to get his point across.

Obama is crushing the Hillary Clinton machine and the massive coverup of voter fraud in New York and New Hampshire can’t keep the Clinton machine running. The wheels have fallen off. Not only are leaders in the Democrat party pointing out the voter fraud, the liberal mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg called it that. What?  This sentence is terrible. Instead, there is a smear job on the front page of the the (has been), New York Times.

Can the Clinton machine pull it off again in Ohio with the help of the unions and the Cleveland Plain Dealer?So, in a last ditch effort, the NYT’s editors drop a bomb on McCain. They even endorsed the moderate war hero a few weeks ago. Take a look at the affair they are reporting that McCain had with Vicki Iseman. Why didn’t they do that kind of reporting on Bill Clinton? First, before he was elected, but more importantly, when he was being serviced by a young intern in the oval office? The Internet has toppled the elite liberal media in 2008. I predict the NYT stock price to fall below $15 in the coming weeks.

Grade D+  – For mixed metaphors, lack of sentence follow-thru, bad grammar and story flow problems.

Re-written article

New York Times Tries to Save Face; Reports Iseman McCain’s Lover  

In an effort to retain their crown as Queen of Liberal Journalism, that old gray lady, The New York Times, has dropped a bomb on the John McCain camp by reporting an alleged affair with lobbyist Vicki Iseman.  Click here for the full NYT report.

With crushing blows dealt to the Clinton campaign in recent primaries, there seems little chance that the New York Senator will win the nomination.  And yet, the New York Times continues to report news that is biased toward an impending victory for the former first lady.  Amid rumors of Democratic voter fraud in both New York and New Hampshire that could have been explored in depth on the pages of the newspaper, the editors of the NYT chose instead to distract readers by engaging in mud-slinging against John McCain.  While New York’s liberal mayor points to evidence of voter fraud in the Clinton held states, NYT failed to report on it, instead inventing a smear on McCain’s past.

If the NYT is reporting this information out of voter concern, why wasn’t this kind of reporting done prior to Bill Clinton getting elected?  Or better still, why didn’t NYT report the affair with Monica Lewinski when it first recieved the information rather than holding it for a more convenient political atmosphere?

No amount of liberal media cover-up will change the fact that the Clinton Machine is running out of fuel and Obama is pulling ahead.  While Hilary Clinton may be hoping for a win in Ohio with the help of the Cleveland Plain Dealer and her union backers, it will take more than that to cover up her losses and report that she is winning where she isn’t.

In a society filled with citizen journalists and independent media outlets, corporate media must learn that bias in no longer tolerated.  With so many citizen journalists hungry to report the truth, the media can no longer print articles that are meant to sway voters into believing falsehoods.  Since this forced change in media has resulted in a lack of reader trust, corporate media outlets likes the NYT will either have to shift to stating fact only or will have to fold their tents and go home.  Due to its newfound lack of editorial authority, I predict that the NYT stock prices will fall to under $15 per share in the coming weeks.

Note: Since he was graded, he has changed the report somewhat, therefore the quoted report above is no longer what appears on the original blogsite.  It is better but still not an A.  New Grade: C 

Basic Set of Rules for Citizen Journalists

1.  No Plagiarism – If you want to report the news, REPORT IT, don’t steal it from other writers.

2.  Don’t Exaggerate, Embellish or Lie  - Report the reality of the situation.  You’ll be more trustworthy and more people will read you.

3.  Don’t Create News, Report What’s Already There – There have been way too many cases of reporters writing fiction and passing it off as news.

4.  Be a Good Editor – Use spellcheck, make sure your sentences make sense and don’t write tirades.  No one is interested in tangents or reports that make no sense.

5. Fix Mistakes Immediately – Everyone makes mistakes no matter how hard we try not to.  If you do make one, report it, don’t hide it.  Apologize for it, correct the information and move on.

6. Follow-through

a) If your sentence starts with “In an effort to…” then please continue with that formula.  i.e. In an effort to do this, this person or entity did this.

7. Story Flow- Make sure your story continues with the same idea from the opening sentence onward.

8.  Don’t mix your metaphors.  It makes you sound ignorant.

For now, we’ll start with these.  There will be more in the future since I find new errors every day.